walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
