My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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