i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up under a house in Key West
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
