she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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