i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
