Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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