I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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