he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
