worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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