Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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