please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
