so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
