mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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