His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
third nipple confirmed
My ass is underappreciated
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
