Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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