she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
