im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
