I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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