So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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