If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
