i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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