so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
