So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Blood and glitter go together right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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