I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
