Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
