i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
