Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
