Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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