I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
