We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
