You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
