I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
