i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
