I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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