well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
