btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
