wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
