I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
