I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
