I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
