i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
