okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
