please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Blood and glitter go together right?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
