...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There r osticjed everywhere
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
