I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
