I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
