3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
