I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
