is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
