Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
