I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
