SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
