I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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