Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
