my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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