Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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