Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
