i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
